Sex Talks and Awkward Faces

Okay the title is a little misleading. There's no awkward faces. I can take some awkward selfies and post them though...

Yeah I'm not doing that.

But that's not what this post is about!

This post is about sex.

Well, actually, it's about the Hook-Up thing we went to tonight and what I thought/my own views.

Okay, so I wish I hadn't lost the papers that we were given that had the organizations name on it, but it's actually really good. It's like this non-violent rape prevention organization that is also trying to get rid of the whole double standard thing that happens with name calling people that sleep with each other. I really should find a nicer way to say that, but for the life of me I can not find a way to make that nice. And if you haven't noticed, I kind of don't like it when people casually have the sex with others when they aren't married.

Anyway, back to topic. This thing started out with the speaker asking us what kind of names we would call a woman who had sex with people. There were the general titles of whore, hoe, slut, tramp, chickenhead, liberated, etc. Next she asked us to name a few things we'd call guys, and we came up with the usual pimp, "the man", player, normal, that kind of stuff. She pointed this out later, but this goes along with what she talked about after that. She asked us what the difference between the two lists were. One of them was glaringly obvious. That was the double standard. This double standard is something that is woefully present and up played in media and society. If a man has sex with a lot of women, it's seen as normal because guys are supposed to have sex all the time and if he didn't, then he wasn't really a man. But if a woman were to ever sleep with even just one guy, she was instantly labeled as a skank, something negative. She pointed out later a better example of this when she said that when listing the names of women, they were generally normally shouted out, with the usual slight disdaining and judging tones. However, when we listed the guy names, there was a general sense of laughing and joking around, people high fiving, and what have you.

Another difference is the difference in power. These different names and titles for women cast them into a negative connotation, making them seem like inferior creatures and trash, while the names for men give them a sort of power over those women. Like the relationship with Pimps and Hoes. A hoe is supposed to be submissive, "doting" and a Pimp's sex slave, and whenever she "misbehaved" he had every right to beat her. That's how we as people have come to see that relationship, so when we see this happening or here about it using those names, we just think of it as normal and brush it off. However, this is wrong to assume that, because it's still abuse. Part of the organizations goal is to get rid of these kind of slurs.

I understand that we think about people who "deserve that title" who wanted to sleep around and all that. However, she showed us just how dangerous these slurs can be. The story goes like this; a 17 year old guy throws a party, and a 16 year old girl comes in, getting completely wasted and such. When she wakes up, she's completely naked from the waste down and there are profanities written all over her legs. When she asks someone about what happened, she is told that several guys had sex with her when she was passed out, people spit on her, wrote on her, and it was even caught on tape. Now, the general reaction is to look at the 16 year old and say that she was "asking for it" by getting drunk in the first place. While it was her responsibility to not be stupid and get wasted, this instance was not her fault. Most people would not agree, but this instance was rape. The young girl was not consenting or aware of her surroundings and was taken advantage of. The worst part is that people watched it happen. No one stepped up to stop it.

Another argument at this point would be that the girl probably had a reputation of sleeping around, even if she hadn't ever done it. People would have just assumed she was going along with it. However, that doesn't matter in this instance. Whatever her past or reputation, this girl was clearly not in her right mind nor did she agree to letting this happen. Someone should have stepped up, but her reputation as being a slut or party girl kept that from happening. In cases like these, these kind of slurs present a problem in that they kept a girl from receiving the help she should have gotten.

The rest of the event was how to look out for rape and be aware of it happening to you or to someone else and how to prevent it. Then there was also the part on when it's okay and not okay "to be a cock-block." Which was like, it's okay whenever you're preventing a potential rape, but whenever to consenting people are wanting to get it on, let them go at it.

Now we get to the point where I talk about how I liked the first half of this and then we got to the part where it's like, "we know you guys are going to have sex and we're perfectly okay with it if you guys are okay with it so we're going to promote safe but casual sexing." Which is where I start getting annoyed and everyone thinks I'm a prude.

But yeah. I'm not exactly sure where to go about this, so I'm just going to start with this

There was something that our speaker said, that I am sort of taking out of context but it was when she said she had been asked a question about whether people orgasm during rape and if that made it okay since they were enjoying it.

"Sometimes our bodies do things that our brain doesn't want it to."

Later on, we were doing something in our small groups that made me think of this and then I got to thinking and got to a slight variation of this. It was brought up by the common excuse that I hear when people have sex and some of the other arguments I've heard. They usually go like "but how else do we show them we love them" or "It's perfectly normal for people to have sex, don't be such a prude" and "it's human nature to want it, it feels great, so why is it such a bad thing."
(let me also clarify that when I talk about this, I'm talking about the casual sex outside of marriage that is so prevalent in America and the world today).

So in the one word that our speaker seemed to like to say (and again sorry mom):

Bull. Shit.

This is the part where I take a second to sound like a nagging white Christian kid who doesn't know jack and then back it up with a paragraph of sound reasoning.

You are at almost all times perfectly in control of your body and it's actions. You can stop yourself from doing things that your body wants to do. It's called self control. Now, a lot of people will say that there are instances that you can't control your body. To which I say, yes, you're right. Give me a minute and I'll get to that.

So these instances when you can't control what your body does: sexual arousal. Yeah so you know all those jokes about guys randomly getting erections and women not really knowing if they're horny or just hungry. Yeah, that actually happens. Randomly, without warning, and sometimes for absolutely no reason at all. I'll even admit that it's happened to me. I'm 18. It really is a natural thing that happens. It's sinful, yes, but it does happen and we can't help it all the time. But when it happens, we can do something about it. You can leave. You can walk away or excuse yourself for a minute until you can get yourself under control or keep it in your pants. If anyone ever uses the excuse that they did something even though they knew it was wrong and said it was their bodies fault, they might get hot tea dumped in their pants.

Chances are, you're thinking about what you're doing. You see the really plastered kid and go "aw yeah, easy target; I am so getting laid today." You know what your body wants and you go get it. The thing is, though, that's wrong, and casually having sex is wrong, no matter how much you "love your partner."

This is how I see it, and a great way to counter the "but I love him" argument. Think of it like this. Say you finally met the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. They say they love you, and you avidly use the argument that sex is one of the greatest expressions of showing love. Both of you have avidly had sex in the past with previous lovers and such.

Now what sticks out to me, is this: If you really loved that person, wouldn't saving yourself for that one person you spend the rest of your life with be the best way of expressing love, if we use the argument that sex=love? I mean like so; How many people has your partner shown that they "loved" someone else? Does that make you feel special that you weren't the only one or the first? Yes, you are the last, but there are others that they will undoubtedly remember and be comparing you to in their minds. To me, that also shows that maybe they don't love me as much as they claim, and it causes a lot of other worries. What if they stop loving me because I'm not as good as others they've been with? What if they start to want someone else back because I'm so bad at this? Now if neither of you had had sex before each other, you wouldn't care as much because neither of you know what to expect or what defines "good" or "bad" sex.

Logical reasoning and such aside, my religious beliefs also play a massive part in my view of casual sex. Yeah, I know, I'm such a prude, right? Whatever, you do what you want, and I'll continue to sit here and defend my right to believe whatever I want and to explain why I'm not a "prude." That previous argument actually is an extension from what I've been taught from God's word. You all know the standard Biblical teaching, no sex before marriage, blah, blah, blah, prude. That argument in the paragraph above is the reason that rule is in place actually. It solves that problem of conflicting trust and subconscious marital issues that no one notices.

One of the last reasons that I hate casual sex is because, despite what you have been force fed through media and social standards, sex is not for pleasure. It is actually for reproduction. That is why people who don't where condoms end up paying child support. Ever since there have been inventions that keep women from getting pregnant from sex, people seem to forget this. little fact. I shouldn't say that sex is entirely for reproduction or not for pleasure at all, though. What I was taught, was that sex was a bond between an married man and wife that meant they would be together forever. It was a decree God set up for mankind and it's not something to be ignored. That doesn't mean it isn't entirely unpleasant; it is quite nice, from what I've gathered. Anyway, the point is, that just because it feels great and no one actually cares anymore, does not mean you should do it. You can, but you really shouldn't.

Okay, so my hand is getting super cramped and tired, plus it's almost 1 and I still need to shower, so I'm ending my casual sex rant here, I don't even care if it sucks. Night guys, I hope someone thought this was cool of informative in some way.
                          ~H
P.S. you guys can comment on some of these, ya know... It'd really make my day to be honest.